Keep Your Promises
by Damned Lolita
Summary: ...And repay your debts. A story of one girl, a bunch of Pokemon, and a sad song. And a story about keeping promises. Written as a release, dedicated to everyone I love. Thank you.


(I'm so sorry. I haven't updated anything, and I'm sure people are confused as to WHY this is so.

Truth is, I've been having horrible relapses of my depression, to the point where all I do is sleep and stare at walls. I haven't been able to write much. I could do a few chapters of Fatal Error, yeah, but...this week has been one of the shittiest since I started on the antidepressants.

And to top that all off, I've been suicidal for a few weeks now. So I suppose...

Well, this is exorcising some demons, many of whom date back almost six or seven years to Baby's First Suicide Attempts. And because god almighty, I love my Pokemon so much. They really got me through so much shit. So this is kind of based off a lot of trauma.

I'm so sorry I haven't updated or anything. Forgive me. /Sighs/

And for everyone else out there who is suffering...don't give up that last inch. If you do, they win. Remember there's always someone who loves you. Even if you've never met them, they do. Trust me.

Dedicated to Jack, Riza, Amy, Keeper, Glory, Liz, Michelle, Kyle, and all my Pokemon.

Dedicated to the unwanted.

...And everyone else I'm forgetting. Feel free to shoot me. You're all fucking awesome. I love you.

All my fans, too. My god, you guys keep me updating and writing and shit. Love you.

Oh, and I don't own Pokemon. AND, to TOP it off, I'm punished for something or other by death of computer. One week. I mean, not like I care that much, but I MIGHT not be on. So please don't think I hate you. :3)

* * *

The girl came home from school determined to keep her promise.

There had been many times in which she'd failed to do so, much to her displeasure. The times in which she had been young and inexperienced, fine, there was room for mistakes, but she'd been trying to die for almost six years now.

You'd think she would've succeeded. Indeed, it always had perplexed her that something as simple as taking that final step off the ledge, or just using that razor blade in the bathroom for something more than shaving her ugly, scarred legs.

No more.

She always kept her promises. It was something she'd prided herself on. If she said she was going to do something, she'd do it, regardless of the effects it might have on others. Or herself.

She shed her uniform quietly, and put on her favorite pair of pajamas. Quietly, she took the razorblade she'd kept hidden in her bookshelves' interior, and admired the silvery sheen for a moment. "They'll always remember me," She said softly, "if I ruin their carpet with blood."

Smiling at her own joke, she was about to raise the blade to her soft pale wrist—when she saw her cherry-and-onyx DS perched jauntily on her bed. She stopped.

"Yeah...I should say goodbye...after all, it might be awhile before they realize I'm gone, and come join me..." She picked it up, and turned the game on, closing her eyes.

* * *

"Hello, everyone." She whispered softly.

They were in Snowpoint City. God, she loved this place. She truly hoped that they'd enjoy it here, even if she was gone.

Her Pikachu leapt up on her shoulder, his rectangle-zigzag tail wagging happily. "_Hello, my girl! You're home from school?" _She smiled. "Uh-huh."

All of her Pokemon came out to greet her; her Umbreon wound himself around her legs like a cat, mewing his hellos as his blue rings glinted.

Her Rayquaza hugged her tightly, grumbling a dragonsong hello. The girl hurred back in appreciation, and the Rayquaza chuckled at her attempts at dragontongue.

Her Absol both greeted her with happy barks, nuzzling her hands. She greeted them all, and then turned to her Glaceon. The female Ice Fox was staring at her intently, blinking at her.

"I've...I've come to say goodbye." She said softly, earning gasps from everyone. "I just can't...do this anymore. I love you all, but I'm so alone...and scared...and I'm just so fucking tired and I want to die." She blurted out that last part, knowing it was true. All she wanted to do was just curl up in a ball and let the world rush around her.

But she couldn't, because gravity kept her down; it kept her from going over the stars.

She was sick of gravity and its' rules. She would defy gravity. Because all she wanted was to sleep somewhere where no one could ever find her.

Her Glaceon merely stared.

Her Charizard, her first and most loved Pokemon, spoke. "_Dying would solve nothing." _The girl laughed. "Living doesn't seem to be solving my problems, either." Her Charizard looks pained.

"_But I love you." _She whispers, knowing it would not convince her.

Because the girl always kept her promises. If she said she was going to die, then...nothing, not even the Charizard, could change that.

The girl stares sadly up at the Charizard. "I love you, too. I'm sorry you didn't have a better trainer. All of you, please, if you can't forgive me...go find someone who will stay with you forever. You deserve that much." She turns to them all.

"Goodbye. I love you all." She turns to exit this world for the final time, when the Glaceon speaks.

"_Remember the promise you made my mother." _She says, before merely turning away. The girl is quiet.

* * *

_The Glaceon knows she is going to die in mere moments. She knows it is a nothingness from which no one will ever escape. So she will have to be fast._

"_Protect her!" She calls to her trainer, her mother, her life. "Protect my daughter, and keep her safe! Be with her always! PROMISE ME!" She roars. The girl's eyes fill with tears._

"_I promise." _

_The black claims another victim, and the girl is left with a promise to keep and a body to bury._

* * *

The girl turns away, so not to show her tears. The Glaceon says one final sentence. "_Remember," _she whispers, "_you promised." _The girl looks back.

In the Glaceon's eyes, there is nothing but hope. And the girl can't look, for her own shame.

There is silence.

The girl is gone far away from the world.

And the Pokemon weep.

* * *

The girl stares at the shining silver blade. Her legs are crossed tightly, and she sits on her bed still, closing the DS with a finite click.

"I keep my promises." She says out loud, trying to convince herself. "I always keep my promises."

A thought comes unbidden to her mind. "_And you always repay your debts." _The girl sighs, and puts her head in her hands.

Yes. That was another motto she lived by. Repay your debts.

Her vision blurs with tears. She owed them so much. She owed all of them her life, her hope, and her future.

/_Repay your debts/_

But she couldn't keep living—not after all this. She was just too tired. It hurt her to live, just to keep pretending she actually cared so she could go home and sleep again.

/_I keep my promises/_

The girl shakes her head. "I promised myself Death first!"

"_But you love them more than you need the darkness. You know it to be true." _The girl shakes her head.

"I keep my promises."

"_She left her daughter behind. Do you remember the one that left her daughter behind?" _The girl is still weeping, rocking back and forth. The voice presses on.

"_Do you remember that girl? So alone, and so scared? She'd been losing everything for so long...and then she was given a single solid rock to cling to. She wore out the storm with that rock as her angel and her guide. A mother who truly cared." _The girl shakes her head.

"_Repay your debts. You owe her more than you could ever repay. But now...someone needs you to do the same. Another girl whose mother is gone. Another girl who has lost everything. You promised." _The voice accuses. The girl wails.

"I PROMISED NOTHING!" She says, knowing she is lying through her teeth. The voice sighs.

"_You only wish." _The girl spits angrily. "They don't need me! They have each other!"

"_But they only have each other because of _you, _dear." _The voice reminds her. She shakes her head.

"Leave me be." She mutters.

The voice, surprisingly, does so. She sighs with relief. "Thank god." She mutters.

It is so quiet now.

The girl takes the blade to her wrist again, and angles it just right—and then she stops.

"Would I really give up on everything I am?" She muttered. "Can I really give up that last inch?" She sighs.

Damn it, this was supposed to be easy.

She looks at the DS.

"She needs me?" She says with a twinge of awe and wonder in her voice. "But no one needs me..." She says sadly.

"_You'd be surprised. You're needed a lot more than you think." _The voice is back. The girl shrugs.

It's raining outside.

She's always liked the rain.

"...I'm unwanted." She mutters. "There's so many other damn kids in this shithole that they don't need one more."

"_They want you. They want to serve you, and be by your side. Forever." _The voice is quiet for a moment. "_Would you deny them _their_ promise? To serve you?" _The girl's eyes fill with tears again.

"They're mine. No one else's. And they need me." She says to herself.

"_We do." _A sweet chorus of voices answers back. The girl weeps.

"And I need you." She says, putting the blade down.

* * *

She turns the game back on. Everyone greets her with unmitigated joy, hugging and howling, holding her tightly so she'll know they won't ever let go...

Her Glaceon stares back at her. "_You could've left." _She says softly. The girl nods.

"Yes. But..." She grins.

"I always keep my promises. And I _always _repay my debts."

Her Charizard hugs her tight.

And the girl smiles.

She will do it again, she knows; death is an old friend of hers.

But...

As long as her Pokemon were there...

There was always hope.

And that was a promise they'd keep.


End file.
